The Beats
"Only one person has fun at a qualifier, and he doesn't know it till it's over"
- Dan OMS
This article is an attempt to prove that statement wrong. You can have lots of fun at qualifiers. You just have to look at the lighter side. Being there as a qualified spectator helps. After seeing a few things in the first round I didn't want to forget, I started taking notes of 'The Beats,' whenever and wherever they occurred. Early on it was just unstrong moves, but people got more quotable in later rounds. So now I present:
PTQNYC: The Beats
Round 1
Yavimaya Wurm (strictly better than the earlier version)
The charge of the Unholy Strengthed Bottle Gnomes (The Gnomes of Steel)
First turn play: City of Brass, Dark Ritual, Intuition for Concordant Crossroads, play Lion's Eye Diamond.
With Living Death in hand, using Survival of the Fittest for tour turns to get creatures that get countered, without getting a Krovikan Horror or Ashen Ghoul, and running out of creatures with only one black mana.
Deadguy drops Shield Spheres to set up his consultation for Pandemonium (doing 0 is amazing)
Simian Grunts die in horrible Fireball; will the bombing ever stop?
From the depths of Lim-Dul's Bottomless Vault comes the lost art of Invulnerability, as taught by the Lord of Tresselhorn
Eric Kesselman, With Sylvan Library, Pursuit of Knowledge, Engineered Plague (for Goblins), Winter Orb and 3 Mox Diamond, says no to Blood Moon as Cursed Scroll beatings continue. Slowly. Later that game, first elephants, than Zvi Mowshowitzes die to Engineered Plagues
The fine art of capping Counterpheonix, in Extended
Suicide Black proves the value of Feldon's Cane, against Howling Mine, 2 Propaganda, Arcane Lab and Claws of Gix
Time Spiral. "Do you wish to concede?" Maybe it's Slight of Mind (two on board)
Resistance may be Spherical, but Miscalculations still abound, and Tide's library is down to 2 cards so the other blue deck taps (with a markup) to cast Verdant Force, leaving only your City of Brass! Later a Spiral untapped 7 lands, and 3 cards were not shuffled back in
Secret Force stopped by Secret Four Nekrataals
Round 2
Multiple 3/2 Blue Lightnings, coming through!
Lord of Tresselhorn deck sinks out the second Goblin War Buggy as the Vaults open
Air raid sirens indicate it is safe to begin.
Toni Parodi notes you have to Earn 'em before you can Burn 'em, and being under Duress only causes Rancor and trampling Lhurgoyf beatings
All you need is land - unless you have Goblin Lackey, in which case all you need is Goblins
Cavalry, sound the charge of the 5/5 5-mana producing elves!
Venerable Monks look for a Bogardenish Hammering, but get none as Anarchy breaks the Gossomer Chains of order.
Seen on a recruitment poster: Calling all Goblins! They have Survivals! (And we're Flunkying out of deck construction school here!)
Heard on Table 77: "I do have a disk on the table." "Oh, yeah." Scoop. And a tradewind and three creatures. Mmm, fruity!
On 76: "Goblins, to the air!" "But they're white boarded and ugly sir!" Oh, and boss, how do we get down?
Hope springs eternal, as Penance stands alone against 12 lands, Viashino Sandstalker and Hammer of Bogarden
Hmm. I could Recur back Crater Hellion and pay the echo, but that would be wrong against 2 Flunkies. I need Spirit of the Night beats! And Krovikan Horrors suck Well, actually, yeah. Get the Hellion. But why pay echo? Untaps lands, taps lands, untaps lands, taps lands. Fine. And why cover the only possible way for your opponent to win (2 Price of Progress), when you can have Karmic Guide beats?
Kesselman Plague Triumphs Again!
Round 3
Nev's disk with the power Energy Flux
Mickey Ashmont and Steve Mardenfeld premiere the next combo deck: Lifeline, Tragic Poet, Second Chance, Tinker, Energy Field Hmm, combolicious!
Gaea's Cradle / Sliver Queen! (At 2-0). Da birds is blocking God. And sideboard Hibernation, so you'll be prepared.
Tide players engage in long, cold search for Octane
"It's a tough matchup. Luckily, it loses to everything else." "Is that true?" "Shut up, you. Hate you."
Round 4
Dan 'OMS takes on Brook North in a feature matchup. Brook: Island, Brainstorm Dan: Mountain, Goblin Vandal Brook: Island Dan: Wasteland, Goblin Flunkie (countered) Brook: Island Dan: Sphere of Resistance (countered) Brook: Volcanic Island Dan: Waste it, Jackal Pup (Brook Brainstorms and Impulses) Brook: Island Dan: Mishra's Factory Brook: Nothing Dan: Attack (Brook Frantic Searches) Brook: Nothing Dan: Attack (Brook Turnabouts Dan's creatures) Brook: Nothing. Concede.
Go High Tide! A crowd gathers to watch games two and three
"Oh, they're actually going to play. I thought it was a shuffling competition" - Alex Driggs
"Watching Brook playing tide is the scariest thing ever" - David Price
"What's worse is being Brook and playing Tide" - Brook North
"Actually, it's pretty bad to judge Brook playing Tide. 'No, Brook, Brainstorm doesn't put any cards on the bottom of your library.'" - Brian David-Marshall
Brook flips over his own card: "I don't get a warning for that, do I?"
Kesselman's Howling Mines beat Pox! To 4-0!
Round 5
Brook Turnabouts opponent's lands. Opponent taps all five untapped ones (with Telepathy out) to Force of Will
A bad consult and Pursuit of Knowledge / Howling Mine send Kesselman to 5-0 around Bottomless Pit, The Rack and Planar Void
Scott McCord's tide stalls out twice. "My opponents just seem to stall out"
- Joel Frank
In one game, Scott burns Turnabout after Spiral to only burn down to 3, then Frank fails to attack with Mishra after a Turnabout on his creatures, instead casting Savannah Lions as Scott holds second Turnabout (Frank goes to 4-0-1)
Brook North seeks help - from his telepathic opponent. 13 cards times three is Somebody help me! Judge Alex Shvartsman: "No Outside Assistance!" Including your opponent?
Round 6
Goblin Grenading The Carnophage!
"This match is as random as they come"
"People keep stealing them; no actually it's just you, twice."
Kesselman's Gaea's Blessing fizzle from Tormod's Crypt? Will the Kesselman run end? The judge leaves in Pursuit of Knowledge. Later that match, Gaea's Card Toss! (This is what happens when you don't sideboard the 3rd Gaea's Blessing).
No! Don't plague Zvis! OK, it's only Pistulniks.
"Around the room you will find garbage cans. They are easily identifiable as the containers with nothing in them surrounded by garbage." - Brain David-Marshall
"Who'd have thought when I got up that my day would be this silly?" - Eric Kesselman
"Don't play the metagame. Play the game or the metametagame." - Eric Kesselman
"Pepcid AC" - Man with Sneak Attack. Gets Monk Realisted by Survival player. "Oh, what a surprise." Pyromancy follows
Round 7
Intentional Draw sends Tide, Kesselman tech to top 8
Justin Polin faces off with "Ghost of Christmas past," who gets a game loss for going to wrong table. Strangely, the computer and printout have different matchups On turn two of that match's second game "Consult for a Hymn." "Sure." Hits a Hymn to Torach around card 9. "Judge? JUDGE!" "Can you tell me what happened?" "We'll take care of it with a judge." Judge arrives. "He consulted for 'Hymn.'" "Is there a card in your deck called Hymn?" "No." "Then there's a problem. (Pause) You mill your whole library." "Sorry about that. Say la vie, to say it in French"
To Justin: "You're going on my hit list" - David Bartholomew [D. Bartholomew was just an observer of the above game -ED]
"He took out all my friends!"
2 Defense Grid out. "If I keep Reanimate ( Unearth is bad in Pandenaught -ed), I can draw the game if he goes if he goes Lotus Petal, Natural Spring. But if he Turnabouts my artifacts, I'll need Pyroblast, so I kept it. I needed the Pyroblast because of Titania's Song. " Also: "If you're in a bad situation, it's best to go to one, I found during playtesting." - David Bartholomew
Reportedly said by some kid: "Oh, I've taken infinite damage."
Round 8
Patrick Johnson's opponent needs a win, Patrick is in regardless: "I'm not bringing out the Spider. He needs to win to make top 8" "So give him the Spider." "NO!"
In a match for Top 8: Enlightened Tutor for Oath of Druids. Impulse for the Savannah to play it. Get it Aura of Silenced. Force the second Cursed Scroll. Could Swords Morphling, but why give you life? "Shivan Dragon!" "Shh"
First turn Mishra, Cursed Scroll, because Plateau and Savannah Lions sucks, Why use Wasteland on a guy with only a Plains and a Plateau for two turns, while you counter his Knights with Force of Will?
"Who's your daddy?" "Oh, some guy."
Flying over for 21 is just NO fun. He's at 22
"The way my luck's going today, a mirror matchup is fine." - Patrick Johnson
Top 8
"In 3rd, Austin, starts with D last name." - Brian David-Marshall
"You're waiting to deckcheck us, aren't you?" "No." "Let me know, I won't worry about shuffling as much." After: "He was lurking a little too much" - Eric Kesselman
"It's game time" - Justin Polin, upon receiving his Top 8 pin.
"You're getting psyched up on the mulligan" - Eric Kesselman
"They're shuffling, huh? It's beginning to look good for bad guy. Gooddeck is nowhere to be seen. Are there any red decks? I guess I shouldn't be asking that; I'll go to the source" - Tony Parodi
"I assume you play a sixty card deck" "You may assume anything you please." (Pause). "Yeah."
"Eric, remember what I told you...This has nothing to do with outside assistance. It has to do with sillyness." - Toni Parodi
On Tide: "It's like a sculpture. You have to craft the prefect hand." - Justin Polin. I don't think he won too many converts.
Donald Lim: Who won game 1? Zvi: Who do you think? Donald: Well..., I..., um...
"Now, I'll try to Duress you." "Sure." Shows seven counters
And with Kesselman eliminated, the thrill was gone (plus it was late), so I left.
You had to be there. Zvi Mowshowitz